Better Half

The Country singer Keith Urban (I know, don’t stop reading just because I like Country) has a song out called “You’re My Better Half”. In it he refers to an age-old saying as well as the update people have made recently. The lyrics go like this:

They say behind every man is a good woman
But I think that's a lie
'Cause when it comes to you I'd rather have you by my side

I have no idea how recently the addition “when it comes to you I'd rather have you by my side” was put in. I think I first heard it either in high school or college. Really though, this addition bugs the heck out of me.

As I mentioned in my post about whiners, not a lot irritates me. But here’s another one that does kind of get to me, when people misuse or misunderstand the English language.

Now, I’m pretty patient about this actually. If I’m just having a conversation with someone and they use the wrong work, use it incorrectly or even use a saying incorrectly I have no problem with it. What tends to bug me is when the masses begin to use a saying incorrectly.

The original saying is this:

“behind every man is a good woman”

The modification is simply to say the man would rather have the woman by his side instead of behind him.

This bugs me so much because it actually minimizes the importance of the woman you’re referring to.

Now, if you want to make the woman seem less important, then I’m fine with it. I also understand why the saying was changed, it sounds so much more romantic to say someone is “by your side” instead of “behind you”.

You’re forgetting what she’s doing behind you… She’s not just supporting you, but she’s actually doing to work to make you the amazing person you are. This doesn’t minimalize her as a person.

The original message is that I would not be the man I am today without the support of my wife. If I try to do something we will not only talk about it together, but regardless of my decision she will support me. She will not only cheer me on but will also help out in any way she can to make what I am doing a success.

So, let’s look at the addition (I feel like an English teacher). Instead of her supporting me in my decisions, Erin is now beside me. She’ll hold my hand, but we are equals in the work being done.

Here’s the important part there, my contribution to the work is just as important as her contribution. Sounds cute and romantic right? Well, what about the original saying.

I am working my tail off to do the work. But, regardless of how much I do, Erin will always have made more of a contribution. Anything that I do, I need her support for. That’s not true in the addition, now I can go and do things, but I don’t NEED her to make it a success.

How I support my wife on the other hand isn’t mentioned. There’s an assumption that she cannot be the person she is without my support. That anything she does, she needs my support and love just as much as I need hers. This may be true, but in my life Erin definitely puts forth the real effort and support. I try and help in any way I can, but she always seems to know the right thing to do to make things “happen”.

For all I know I am just stuck being “beside” my wife in her life. But what I do know is that while Erin will walk beside me, she will always be part of my foundation. Why would I want to change that?

Those are just my rants on the saying. I may be way off base, and I’d love to hear people who disagree. I’ve had years to think about this and I do think I’m correct. Or you may think the same thing my wife said, “Umm, ok…. Who cares?”

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

posted by Tom at 1:50 PM