You're Screwed Up Too

Tonight during youth group we talked about a couple things, which all focused on the way we see others and how we treat other people. I started talking about a great line in (what else) Joan of Arcadia:

Every one is broken in some way.

What's interesting is how we look at other people and think their lives are so much better than ours. Or we look at people who are attractive and somehow think they must have a better life than we do. I remember this being especially true in elementary and middle school. It just seemed like everyone had it together while I was such a mess.

But one thing I've figured out over the years is that every person I know has something wrong with them. I mean, I dated a 13 year old (I was MUCH, MUCH younger) who had a 2 year-old son. Tell me she wasn't broken. Or me, who's pretty darned screwed up too, I've done bad things and had bad things done to me. None are a secret, but also don't need to be mentioned now. I have youth group members who go through problems I can only imagine. I mean I've been reading in some youth magazines (and had them backed up from some youth members) that an 8th grade girl will let an 8th grade boy touch them privately, and many who've had sex, because they think they'll finally be loved and appreciated. I can thankfully say (so far as I know) none of our youth group members have gone that far. But I'd love them regardless of what they've done.

What happens though is that as we deal with friends, even friends we've had for years, we still see them with blinders sometimes. I had a friend in middle and high school who treated me like crud, though I didn't see it for years. He was a great friend, 5 years older than me, helped me get a job with a cable company and was always there for me to talk to. At the same time I'd been abused for years. When I finally told the friend about it, his response was, literally "I thought something might be going on". I'd kown him for years, I was really upset (and still am a little) in that he didn't say something earlier which would have ended it sooner.

The friendship did continue and I eventually also saw him (whether correctly or not) taking advantage of me, and using me to get what he wanted. He always had to be better than me, and he even got me to begin stealing things, where he'd get some part of it and I'd get another. But everything we did somehow worked to make him feel better about himself. Yeah, I'm screwed up too :). Well, that friendship did die off thorugh High School and in College as I made soem real, strong friendships.

About 2 years ago he called my old church to try and get a hold of me. I got the message but just didn't feel ready to call him back. I mean, I went years thinking this guy was the best thing since sliced bread, and then to realize he was essentially using me. I've finally grown enough that I think I can talk to him. So now I'll begin the task of looking him up and trying to reach him.

So, my point is just this. We get ticked off at people for saying something hurtful or because we think they are acting stupid. Maybe they change their personality depending on who they're with, maybe they say things about us which aren't true, or maybe they ignore us when we really just need to talk. It's easy to think about the bad in this, and how we don't like the person now because of how they're acting. But we need to remember to have patience and forgiveness. This person is just as broken as you are, so they make just as many mistakes. They'll need your love and kindness just as much as you'l need theirs sometime.

Peace.

posted by Tom at 9:22 PM