I Just Don't Care

I just hopped out of the shower and threw on some clothes, namely green shorts and a red t-shirt. Sure, the colors kind-of go together, but only if it's Christmas. The interesting thing though is that I realized I just don't care about it. Heck, yesterday on our flight back from a mission trip I was wearing green shorts (the same ones), a purple polo shirt, black shoes with black socks with a corduroy short and a sweatshirt tied around my waist. Here I'm out with a huge chunk of the youth and adults, looking like a serious fashion faux-pas and I just didn't care.

As I mentioned, I just returned from a 6 day mission trip with 3 extra days touring Yellowstone and relaxing in Montana. I was one of the leaders in our group of 19 youth and 10 adults (teamed with another church that brought 18 people as well). We worked on the Crow Reservation, making a bit of a different and each of us deepening our faith in Christ. This was all topped off with some relaxing and incredible fun in Montana, just hanging out with the youth and growing close to each-other.

On the way back I began trying to get back into the swing of things. Get my mind back on working and life here. The problem was that I really didn't look forward to coming back. The only thing pulling me home was how desperately I missed my wife and daughter. I had an ache I missed them so much. But all the rest I just didn't look forward to. This morning I figured out what it was…

I just don’t care about this stuff anymore. I don’t care how many DVD’s I own (or what the next one coming out is). I don’t care about working at a job in which I don’t get to work with people as my primary focus (and instead have a focus of building business). I don’t care how nice my car is, or about the quality of my back yard. I don’t care about reading the newspaper. I don’t even care about watching TV anymore (a big shock for those who know me). I don’t care whether I’ve upset someone at work or church (even Father Rob to some extent).

What I care about is what I’ve focused on this past week. I care about my family. I care about those in youth group more than I can ever explain. I care about the adults on the trip and their lives. I care about God and bringing each of the youth and adults closer to Him. I care about communicating stories of my life to help guide others. I care about helping those around me. I care about being liberal and showing people how cool it really is to be a Christian. I care about individuals and not organizations. Really though, I care about relationships. Building bonds with others which mold lives. Having my own life molded by others.

Now, I’ll be continuing my job (I just can’t live in this area if I don’t). I’ll continue mowing the lawn each week (otherwise my wife will kill me and I care about my family more than anything). I’ll continue getting DVD’s (though not so many as before). I’ll continue to watch TV (though maybe not so much as before).

The scary thing is coming in the next few days. I don’t care about the above things because I haven’t had them for a week. Now that my life is back to the old whims of the world I wonder how much this feeling will change and I’ll fall back into my old ways. Wanting to watch more TV, watch TV or spend tons of time on the Internet.

This entry doesn’t really have a question like the others. They are just my thoughts and feelings after returning from our mission trip so that I don’t forget them. If there’s a question anywhere in here it is simply this… With things you have learned or decided to give up, how is it you continue to not care about those things?

Peace.

posted by Tom at 1:07 PM