Separations

2006-03-07 – Separations

This entry is going to be a bit different from my normal ones. I’m going to talk a little bit about the Episcopal Church and the problems we’ve been having regarding the ordination of a gay bishop. I’ll try to explain some terms, but mostly this is going to focus a lot on the state of the church and maybe a little on marriage. So, it probably won’t appeal to most people. It’ll also be somewhat long. You’ve been warned, so quit reading.

Also, as with everything I write, these are entirely my opinions. No one else has told me that they feel this way, and really it’s all just stuff made up from the mind and experiences of Tom. So, if you have issue please let me know, but don’t go yelling at anyone else for my idiocy.

The Episcopal Church is in a bit of turmoil right now. With the ordination of a gay bishop the Anglican Church (Episcopalians are actually American Anglicans, but since us Americans are too lazy to say Anglican American we made up our own name. The head of our church is the Anglican church of England though) told the Episcopal Church that we need to apologize, repent and say we’ll never do it again. Okay, there’s a ton more to it, but that’s the gist, and I’m SO not a detail kind of guy. Flame me later if you wish.

Being the healthy Americans that we are, we take after our president very well and don’t seem to want to apologize or admit we made a mistake. Of course, we are never wrong, right?

For every person involved in the issue there is another opinion on how to approach it. Some churches (two within 20 miles of us) have split from the Episcopal Church (and lost their building, grounds and priest because of it). Others are firmly behind this, but hate that the Anglican Church is going to say that the Episcopal Church is no longer part of the Anglican Communion.

Recently I received the article “What we should do” by John Stott. I’m not going to go much into the details here, but I strongly recommend you read it. I’ll even give you a minute now…

Done yet? Probably not, I’ll give you another few minutes.

Ok, I’ll assume you’re done. Did anything strike you while reading this article? Early on I kept being reminded of my marriage with Erin. As I read further it kept hitting me just how much what John was saying related to all marriages.

When two people are married they are brought together by God. We may not know everything about each-other. Heck, we may have a ton of differences. Regardless of those differences, we have committed to spend our lives together. During our marriage counseling one of the best pieces of advice we received was to never use the “D” word (Divorce). By not using the word it helps us remember that separation isn’t an option.

Reading this article that thought continues to come back to me. How often have we had a fight with our spouse? Do you decide to break off the marriage because of it?

Even when you figure out that your spouse doesn’t have quite the same life goals that you do. Even when they are goals which really will make you re-think what you’ve gotten into, and change the way you live. Many people might split up instead of working through it. Others may agree and let it happen, seething inside. But if we’re really committed to one-another, we’ll work together with the differences, realizing we aren’t perfect and learning to accept the differences we’ll be spending the rest of our life with.

So, here we are, a marriage between two people that lasts at MOST 100 years, and even then you’d have to live a super long time. Now I plan to live to be 300, but who knows about Erin. On the other side we have a marriage between 70 million Anglicans/Episcopalians (according to Wikipedia) that has already lasted for centuries. And here we are, ready to give it up over an “issue”. Yes, it’s a huge issue, but it’s still an issue.

My aunt recently accepted her husband back after he left to meet another woman. That he left was easily the most heartbreaking story I know of in the family, and we’ve had our share of heartbreaking stories. That he came back has been hard for a lot of us, but I do love my aunt and I’ve always known her with my uncle, so I will accept her decision, and love them both.

Could you do that? Could I? I really don’t know what I would do or how I would handle it if Erin left me for someone else then came back. But here are two people who haven’t been married very long (when compared to centuries) and they are both making the hard decision every day to stay together and work it out. Why can’t we?

I’ve always been taught that what makes the Episcopal and Anglican church different is our commitment to community. We are one body in Christ. When we have communion we all go up to the alter and kneel together to receive Christ’s body and blood (we even use real wine). We don’t have a “first communion” like Catholics for a couple of reasons, but I believe one main reason for this is that we are together as one body. From the infant to infirm, we will share in the gift Christ gave us on that final supper and with his final breath.

That any issue can come between that marriage and break apart a community so thoroughly just makes me want to cry. Why can’t we work together in this, suffer our hurts every day, and work through the pain hand in hand with our neighbors?

My aunt’s marriage will never be the same. I expect that it will take years until they are completely happy and have worked through all of the hurt that has built up over the years. Though they are trying and have re-committed to one-another. I think every one of us 70 million could look at their marriage and learn something from it. I know I have.

Divorce is so common in the world today. What, 50% of marriages end in divorce? Has divorce become so common place that we have decided that when the going gets tough the tough quit, instead of facing their problems? Have we as a society decided it’s better to separate over our differences instead of joining back together and fighting to keep our marriage? I can’t believe God’s hope for us is that we would let any problem break us away from one-another.

I’ve learned from this article and I’ve learned from my aunt. I only hope the other 69,999,999 people can as well.

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

posted by Tom at 8:23 PM