Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Are You Happy With Yourself?

Lately I've seen quite a few youth group members begin dating. People from 8th grade to 11th. What's interesting is when they break up. They'll separate with their boyfriend/girlfriend and already be looking for that next person to be interested in (if they haven't already found someone). I'll sometimes ask about this and the answer I'll get is along the lines of "I'm happier when I'm dating someone than when I'm not".

This reminds me a lot of something I say to people. That "I'm my own best friend" (stole it from Barf in Spaceballs, remember, "I'm a Mog, half man/half dog... I'm my own best friend" - Classic movie, trust me). This morning I was listening to a radio show which put it this way, "If you aren't happy with yourself, how can you expect someone else to be happy with you"?

Now, I don't have any problems with dating. I dated quite a few people, and stuck with dating one person at a time, leading me to some very close relationships with each one. Each person I've dated has helped me see the world in a different way and made me grow as an individual.

That all being said, I get concerned when I see some people begin dating seriously. I see people who aren't really all that happy with themselves. They feel down about something in life, or just don't enjoy doing things alone. They then find that when dating someone they really enjoy that person and are happier themselves.

Here's the trick. When I was not happy with whom I was I would then latch on to a girl. I'd often feel kind of insecure, and no matter what she said I would think I'm just not doing enough to make her happy. I'd also give all my energy to the relationship, letting school, work and friends become second in importance.

The opposite is also true. I dated someone for two years who I cared about more than I can explain. But she wasn't happy with the person she way. She'd generally be down about something, see the bad things in life and cling on to our relationship (it was hard to break that one off, but God does have His plan for each of us).

The thing I've realized is that if you aren't happy with yourself, you won't be happy with someone else (at least not fully happy for the long term). If you're dating someone who can't be happy single, you won't be enough for the other person either.

I have seen some healthy relationships. Where people date knowing it probably won't last long term, but just enjoy each-other's company for the time. Learn from each-other and grow. I have seen a lot of people (both youth and adults) who go into relationships devoting everything to each-other thinking that the relationship will make them whole. The entire time not realizing that only one relationship will make them whole, the unforgiving relationship with Jesus.

So, are you you're own best friend? If not, what will it take for you to love yourself wholly?

Peace.

2 comment(s):

Found your blog through Cindy. Very interesting reading. You're quite captivating with your writing. I've bookmarked you and will be back.

I'm pretty sure I like myself ok and I'm in a religious quandry right now, so am interested in what you have to say.

By Blogger Sheri, at 6/08/2005 9:27 PM  

There have been times when I was truly not my best friend. I created a world that I survived in, but I hated life everyday.

I did things that were not smart, just to "fit in" with everyone else. I clung to bad friendships and relationships just because it was there and I was afraid of change. If everyone around me is happy, then surely I am happy... right?

After a while, I realized that I needed to count on me first. If I wasn't happy with myself, I would never be happy completely. I started to do things that made me happy even if I had to do them alone.

I used to think that being alone (even if just for a few hours) was the worst thing in the world. Now I cherish the "me" time. I know I have to enjoy this time now before the kids come. :)

I tend to ramble on. Did I have a point? Oh yes. Spaceballs is an AWESOME movie! I like when they comb the desert.

By Blogger Cindy, at 6/08/2005 9:49 PM  

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