I Think I'm Going To Be Sick

As my recent entries have mentioned, my life has been on kind of a whirlwind since the mission trip. I still have one entry to re-write from my journal during the week, I just need to track down the journal. But in case you haven't noticed, this has been my week (and summer I guess) of discontent. The only think I can think about lately when it comes to work is how I can do the best job possible until the day I get to leave. I just don't where I'm leaving to.

So I've been spending the past week really talking to God and asking for His guidance on where I should be heading right now. I've gone on a bunch of walks and really gotten the message that I need to slow down and watch the world. I need to just relax, let the message come in its own time and just keep my eyes open.

This morning Father Rob was talking to me about my entry about not caring (he's been making jokes about that one since I posted it). He was telling me that it looks like I may be making the real concrete step toward priesthood. I was incredibly moved by that, so moved, as I headed home, that I literally felt sick. I mean I had a topsy turvy stomach, those queasy feelings and almost thought I should pull over but decided the feeling would pass. It's been three hours now and the feeling is still there. So long as it goes away in the next day or so I guess.

I'm not completely sure this is really the decision God has for me right now. But then I've been saying that for years. I think it's time to do some more watching and slowing until I really am sure. But more and more it seems like the mission trip did more than change my outlook on youth ministry, and may have really applied to ministry all together.

I mean, this seems crazy. I have a great job, wonderful family nearby and am blessed with youth who live lives that I can only hope my daughter Rachel would emulate. Heck, do I really think I could come up with a compelling sermon every week? My wife loves her job and really I've just begun to feel stable in life. But then I guess that's it, why should I feel stable when there are so many things I could be doing to rock the world?

So, any advice or opinions? Heck, any time you've been led down a path you were scared to go but had no choice? Really, anything would be great :)

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

posted by Tom at 3:23 PM