The Time Machine

It was completely by accident, but I stumbled across the creation of a time machine. It is in its very early form and has some sever limitations, but I am convinced I’ve created the world’s first machine which will warp time. Amazingly, it can all be done using absolutely no electricity at all.

I love to be open about my ideas and inventions. Here is how I made this invention, and even what you can do to make your very own. Hopefully you’ll be able to refine it so that people can jump forward and backward through time.

Process:
Here is what you need:

1. One room. This can be any sized, but needs to have all windows covered and allow little external noise. A bed-room is ideal.


2. One clock. This will show you just how slowly time moves from minute to minute.


3. Carpeted floor. This is my preference. I believe time can be slowed even more by a wooden floor.


4. One crib. Again, this is not a requirement. But you need something for a child to sleep on.


5. One baby. This may be the hardest to procure. Parents are, of course, ahead of the game here. I have heard that e-bay no longer sells children, but possibly purchasing a mail-order bride will help. Another option is to borrow a friend’s infant, they’ll be glad to hand the child over and will often give you all of the above items as well.

The primary purpose of our time experiment is not to warp time itself. You must be focused on getting the baby to go to sleep. You’ll take the baby to its room and proceed to try to get it to sleep.

You can accomplish this in any way. Generally listening to advice from the parents does not work. This is because a child knows you are not the child’s parent and will behave far better and be very accommodating to you. Referencing observations, this has the negative result that the time warp effect will not last long. The effect seems to last only until the baby lays down asleep in its crib.

Observations:
This effect does work for both yourself and people outside of the room. When you leave, others in the house will invariably say something like, “boy, that took forever” or “must have been rough”.

The time warp effect is best completed when you have other things to accomplish in the day. It seems that the more you need to do after getting the child to sleep, the slower time will go and the longer the effect will last.

If the child falls asleep on your shoulder while you are standing, but will wake up as soon as you lay it down, consider yourself very lucky, the warping effect may last for hours at this point.

Limitations:
The effect seems specific to the room I am in. Once I leave the room, time returns to normal. This means it only traverses time, not time and space.

A baby that should be sleeping is necessary. This often limits the times of day you can use the machine.

By far the largest limitation is that you can’t do anything during the time warp effect. You can not check e-mail, read or even listen to much music. If you try the baby will often get in the way and stop whatever you are doing.

Conclusion:
This effect works for both the person in the room and people outside of the room. The statements made by observers clearly showed that while time seemed to slow for you, it raced along in the outside world.

Also, as the days go by and the child seems unwilling to sleep, the time slow-down effect gets greater and greater. I suspect a similar effect occurs within schools around the country. Further research should be done to see if students already benefit from this effect.

In case you have any doubts, my wife and I are willing to let you test my hypothesis. We will provide the room, clock, carpeted floor (more comfortable to lie on when banging your hands against it) crib and baby.

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

posted by Tom at 9:19 AM