Thursday, August 10, 2006

Sticking With Tough Decisions

I am planning on taking a sabbatical from youth group. This starts either now or beginning of September, depending on who you ask. Generally I am continuing some activities until September, and then stepping back from it entirely. After the sabbatical is over I may come back to youth ministry, but it won’t be as the youth minister and it will be a very different role than I’ve lived so far. I'll come back to a role that really plays more to my own strengths, and gives me time for my family.

I’ve recognized that my heart isn’t in youth ministry like it was. I still have a deep love for teens, and my heart is into them, but it’s not in the weekly planning/ownership/oversight like it once was, and it was pretty obvious even to those who aren’t very involved. This isn’t a big shock, and even some of the teens suspected it simply by watching.

Truthfully, the weight of this decision didn’t hit me very hard until tonight. I started telling people that I will not be coming to Starbucks after August for the Thursday night gathering. This brought some very strong emotions, from teens which I didn’t expect it and even a parent which really floored me. As I drove home it really sank in, I’m choosing to step away from something (and the people involved) that I love.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. It’s not my choice; God has made it clear that this is the right way to go for a while. He’s also made clear that it’s time for some change. It’s time for me to make these decisions and stick by them.

Up until tonight this decision felt somewhat easy. Intellectually I knew it may be hard, but it just wasn’t impacting me emotionally very much. In a lot of ways it just didn’t seem real. Thinking about it all now, this is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, and harder still to stick with.

Thankfully I do know that by sticking with this decision God is opening doors for our teens and youth ministry that wouldn’t be there if I stayed involved. He’s going to rock the joint, and I’m going to have the privilege to cheer from the sidelines.

My heart is beginning to ache, and tears may be around the corner (things that don’t happen too often with me). You know that heart ache, like when you find the person you thought you’d spend your life with just isn’t the right person? Or the ache when a close family member passes away? Or even that ache when you hear your parents are splitting up?

I feel like I’m becoming an emotional basket case for a while. I am excited for what is coming, and so glad for the blessings I’ve gotten to be part of the people’s lives. It helps a lot that I’m not leaving the church and still have this support group. At the same time I’m going to be somewhat introspective and enjoy the pain that comes from moving on.

I’m not too proud to say that God has done some amazing things with youth group, and I feel like He’s used me in some of that. So, if you see me off and reflective, I’m always accepting of a hug. If I seem quiet, I’m always looking for someone to share a conversation. In the end though, I’m likely going to enjoy the fact that I do feel so much pain from this decision. If it weren’t painful then it would mean that in last 4 years my heart hadn’t been touched.

Sometimes it’s easy to make tough decisions, but it’s a lot harder to stick with them. I’m so glad for the changes youth group has brought to my life and my family. Right now I’m going to enjoy a good cry. I’m sure I’ll have some to share if you’d like to join me.

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

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