Complainers, Whiners and Downers

I will admit, I have a flaw... I know, I know, pretty darned shocking (you're not half as surprised as my wife, until now she's always thought I was perfect). It became pretty obvious to me last we in Mississippi. What is it you ask? Well, it's something of an intolerance for complainers, whiners and downers.

Last week we went down to Mississippi and something became very clear very quickly. Almost no one down there complained about anything. In fact they were all very gracious and seemed to enjoy whatever it was they were doing.

That's not to say no one complained. Being a leader of high school students you pretty much wear a sign which says:

"Complain to me! Please, even if you're slightly unhappy. I want to know how terrible it is for you to sleep on a floor instead of a cot (while others around sleep without homes). I really want to know that you'll actually die if you have to take a shower in the afternoon instead of the morning."

Heck, maybe I should have a shirt made up which says that.

Don't get me wrong, I think every one of us needs to complain sometimes. Without complaints we'd never recognize problems in the world. Heck, I actually probably complain more than my own share, and I often complain to the wrong people (wow, maybe I have two faults :) ). It really is important to let someone know when you are unhappy about something so that things do come out and get changed.

It's especially important that if you do see a problem that you also come up with a proposed solution, or at least come open minded enough to compromise. This is something I've seen lacking in so many people, both at work and in my personal life.

While we were at our first work site Wednesday Pam Hart came up to me and said something like "Tom, I noticed we didn't have a plywood poster marking our church back at the camp site. We should put one up." My answer at the time was "That's a great idea. Do you think you could do that?" I may have been using lots of testosterone lifting wood so that my manliness was bursting forth, and so (obviously) I was only half listening.

Pam went on her way and I went on mine, continuing to keep up the incredible work we'd been doing. Truthfully, I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't know any churches got a wood sign, and I sure didn't know why in the world we'd need one at the work camp.

Friday rolls around and I'm out at the work camp with Rob looking at some poles with a bunch of different arrows on them. Rob said it'd be a good idea for someone to put up an arrow for our church before we leave.

So, having completely forgotten my conversation with Pam I said, "That's a good idea. I'm sure someone noticed and did it."

We looked around and found a sign pointing to St. Matthew's and began wondering who put it up there. It was great, nice and bright white with green letters. Someone really did a great job, too bad we didn't know who to thank for it.

Then Pam comes walking out of the building and asks if we saw the sign she put up. I still didn't remember and thanked her for doing that all on her own. At which point she tells me that I told her to do it, and recounts to story of how she suggested the idea and I empowered (er, delegated) her to put up the sign.

It was one of my greatest moments!

Truly, the point of that insanely long story is simply this. Pam saw a problem, came with a solution and not only made the sign but made an awesome sign. There weren't any complaints, she didn't just tell me there was a problem. Really, it was perfect!

Unfortunately when people tell me how bad something is, and just keep telling me without listening or accepting my explanation, I get frustrated. I'm generally pretty relaxed about things, but it bugs me sometimes if I give an answer and someone isn't willing to work on a compromise or just accept how things need to be.

Well, I think that's been gotten off my chest. Knowing me I'll go off some other time in the future about this. But right now I'm writing this for one reason... To remind me how to act.

I definitely have complained about something to someone who can't make a change (I can't think of a way to tell an example without hurting someone, so I'll leave them out). I also need to be reminded that when I do see a problem I also need to come up with a solution. I need to be ready to actually do something to improve the world instead of just telling other people how bad it is.

All I can ask is that this Advent and Christmas you'll try and do the same thing I'm going to strive for. To really focus on solving the problems in this world. To accept those things which I really can't change and have no control over. To love those around me even if I don't necessarily like what they are doing.

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

posted by Tom at 12:43 PM