When the Father trumps the father

I talked to my dad a few days ago about my thoughts on starting the discernment process (for those of you not reading much, this is when I start to figure out if God is calling me to be a priest).

His words on the matter were that "it's a good idea. It's a great second career for when you retire."

I of course mentioned that I'm thinking about it now. So it'd mean retiring in the next few years. At this point he pretty much said what he's said before, that it doesn't make sense financially. Sometimes to get what we want we need to do what we don't like (sometimes for a long time). I should wait and save money before taking that step.

Now, there are a lot of sides to this. With a 2 second history, while I was growing up my parents struggled financially. It was a large part of the reason they ended up getting a divorce (but there were many, many other differences. Thankfully they are still friendly to each-other). So my dad has always wanted to make sure I was even more financially secure than he was. He's often pushing for me to get an MBA and actively pursue being a VP within our company, regardless of how I personally feel about it.

Now, in all honesty, this is a pretty minor disagreement. I know that my dad really does care about me, and regardless of the decision I make he will do his best to put his personal opinions aside and support me. Heck, if he could support me with some of my crazy girlfriends in the past, he can support me in this.

It did kind of hurt to hear dad be so negative about the idea. But I have been mentioning this so much because I do want honest feedback. If someone believes I really am not ready or able to make this huge step in my life, then maybe it is time for me to evaluate the reality of what I'm considering.

I'd pretty much moved past it all and was happy thinking I had no idea what to do with my life. Then I received another e-mail from our pastor Rob about the ordination/discernment process and it again threw my stomach all in a loop. I mean, what am I considering, changing absolutely everything in my life (and at times I have a hard time changing when life feels stable)? Leave my company which (in my dad's words) is one of the best companies you could work for, there aren't any others like them?

But I'm beginning this process now because I truly believe God is telling me that it's time for a change. It's really time for a huge change. I don't know yet if the priesthood is it, I feel led there, but really, what can I contribute?

Dad mentioned that I can wait to begin the process. That I may have to wait to get what I want. The problem with that statement is simply this... This isn't completely something I want? I mean, I do want to follow God, so in that sense it's my decision (I could always say "no, God. Not convenient right now, wait a couple years and I'll get back to you if I remember"). It really is God's plan for me that I'm following, who am I to say no to the almighty Father?

So here I am in a dilemma. Do I listen to my father or to my Father? Of course, I'll continue to live as I already have, listening to my dad's opinion and thinking about it, but decide based on my own feelings and my own path. Heck, I didn't listen to him much in high school, why start now, right? Heh, seriously though, I am glad he cares and is worried about me. But I think this queasy feeling whenever the topic is mentioned (something I didn't get before) and so many signs are leading me toward this change and my dad will have to enjoy the ride with me.

How about you all? Have you been putting something off because of someone else's opinion (even a parent)? We all need to listen to them, but ultimately it is our journey (they are hurtling along on their own personal journey). Why not get uncomfortable and try the change?

Peace,
+Tom

posted by Tom at 9:00 AM