On Being a Moron

This is the first in what I assume will be many posts regarding the stupid things I do. I really kind of like the word moron, probably because it's simply fun to say and goes the next step beyond being an idiot. If I've offended you, I'm sorry. But if you're really a moron you probably didn’t realize you were offended, so I'm probably in clear both ways, right?

This morning I made the incredibly stupid decision to take my daughter and dog for a walk. On the surface it doesn't sound so bad. It sounded great to me. We'd been having weather in the 40's, so I figured I'd bundle Rachel up and have one of our longer walks... It wasn't until I got back home that I discovered the temperature was actually about 31 degrees with a wind chill of 16.

So we're trooping down the street. Rachel in her stroller eschewing the blanket over her hands to hold Winnie's lead (like a leash). We were great until about 5 minutes into the walk. We hit the open field area and the wind was just blowing everywhere. It was freezing and I could see Rachel’s hands turning red. You know, that deep red in the fingers which says either put on some gloves or watch my fingers fall to the ground as we walk.

Well, the genius that I am didn’t bring the gloves. I had the blanket, but somehow didn’t consider that Rachel wouldn’t keep it over her hands. And while she had a hat on, her face was getting a bit cold.

You may wonder how I knew all of this. Simple really… It’s because I didn’t have a hood on and hadn’t brought gloves myself. If you’re beginning to wonder about my intelligence level, just look back at the title for this post. Sometimes I just get ideas in my head that seem great until they’re executed.

Winnie was happy to run around and smell the big field, while I was cold and Rachel was beginning to cry, with snot freezing all over her face (that’s right, brilliant dad didn’t bring tissue either).

At the time I was convinced we were halfway on our walk. So I decided to finish it up, since it’d be as fast as doubling back.

You would think that realizing the other stupid decisions I’ve already made this morning would have lit off a red beacon in my head. But no, I was sure we were halfway. So we continued our walk up to a bike trail, Rachel getting more fussy and me getting colder. I even began running along the bike path to get home faster (Winnie loved getting to run beside us, if that’s any consolation for my crying baby). Another mistake since I had to stop after a bit and finished the walk with a stitch in my side and gasping heavily at the bitter air around me.

10 minutes after deciding the walk was a mistake we were home again safe and warm. Realize again though, I’d realized I made a mistake 5 minutes into the walk and decided we were “half way”. Based on timing we were really only 1/3 of the way… Yep, one more bad decision.

So we get home and I can barely stand from all the running and heavy breathing. Rachel’s fussing to see Rika (our poodle, thankfully I didn’t bring her) and her fingers are just so cold. I did take some consolation in seeing that all of Rachel’s fingers were still attached. And since she stopped crying once we got inside, then she must be healthy still.

What’s the point of this story you ask? Simply that we are all morons at one time or another. I made more mistakes in a 15 minute period than I sometimes make all day. Rachel is doing just fine and I’ve finally warmed up nicely.

I think everyone can learn from this one very important fact. Wives don’t ever trust your husband to make intelligent decisions. If we go downstairs with your child without saying a word, become instantly suspicious. If we actively call the dog to join us you should be very, very concerned. No good can ever come from a man and an 18 month old trying to call a dog to join them.

Seriously though, realize we are all human. We make some really dumb decisions in life. Thankfully we can be forgiven for those mistakes and move on.

Peace,
+Tom/Bob

posted by Tom at 9:17 AM